The process of Meditation begins through self-observation and when there is the passion to discern what internal material (thoughts, feelings, memory) is appropriate and what is not. We cannot eliminate all thoughts and feelings in our psyche, for a certain portion of our consciousness must be delegated towards processing social experience. In other words, our lives are not that simple that we can just be in the simple present all the time. We have to think about things a little bit.
Having said that, much of what goes on in our minds are not really objective, or if we were to analyze it as such, are really not necessary. Much of our thinking contains material, that if were to be honest with ourselves, are actually narcissistic. We are so use to processing our social experience selfishly, that we would be shocked not only on the amount of time spent, but how these thoughts and feelings cause us to be immature.
The child uses feeling states to interact socially, mainly because it has not developed its frontal lobes to maturity. This is not saying that we can eliminate all feeling from our minds; this is impossible, unless we are isolated. However, we can learn to understand the relationship between thought and feeling and how this can aide our spiritual connection. Spiritual connection is essentially contemplative, and this is accomplished throught the process of Meditation.
When we are children, we need to learn basic social skills and these skills actually never recede. They are present in our adult experience in a modern society. The problem is: the manner in which we experienced these skills are “transferred” into our adult experience: in other words, we still internally feel the “inner child” in many of our adult interactions.
What is the problem with this? A few things. First of all, the state of Meditation, or realizing a quiet mind, or the internal Space is transcendent to reactive emotions, which the reactivity of the inner child will undermine. Secondly, the often mechanical and compelling nature of the mind is fuelled by these early issues. In other words, when we start to contact these unprocessed childhood skills, it will fill up our minds, as it were, by reflecting upon these feelings and block the capacity for Meditation.
What are these issues? They contain major social skills learned during our childhood development: trust, pleasure, closeness, control, attention and trait assesment (and their opposites in duality: distrust, displeasure, distance, etc).
As children, we all need basic Trust, just as we need to feel close to our parents. We also need to feel Comfortable (pleasure) in our bodies and experience. We need Attention from our parents in order to feel special. We need to feel in Control of our minds and bodies. Furthermore, we need Closeness from our parents and siblings and finally, we need to feel comfortable with certain personality Traits found in our parents. These skills are brought forth in adult living as important fundamental living skills.
Besides these six issues, there is also the opposite form which is also important, so it can be said that these issues occur in a “duality”. Therefore, besides the basic skill of trust, there is Distrust. Alongside of closeness, there is Distance, aloneness or isolation. Alongside of pleasure, there is Displeasure; attention, Neglect. Next to control is Compliance, and alongside of positive assesment of traits, there are traits that we do not care for or need to escape from.
These complementary skills are just as important as their positive counterparts. We need to distrust as much as we need to trust; otherwise, we would not survive. We need to be alone, just as much as we need closeness, otherwise, we could not have a “life” outside of a relationship. We need to comply, just as much as we need to have control or we could not make relationships with other (if we were to bossy), etc.
Because as children, we do not have an adult mind that can process these objectively, we contain memories (imprints) of problematic experiences related to these six skills. Furthermore, these memories are contaminated through the immaturity or our own parents who should be modeling these skills effectively. Therefore, our lives are often guided through unconscious memories of these experiences as they intersect daily adult living.
When we are adults, these issues become intruded into our minds, and then our behavior and then we feel “hijacked” by them. Through a direct training, we can begin to confront and understand these early childhood intrusions and learn to effectively work with them. This will produce the inner adult - and eventually the spiritual adult.
This adult is inherently wise and can look at these childhood intrusions objectively and find ways to not only transform them, but find real solutions.
These solutions come in the form of deeper Qualities that are essentially higher intelligences that can always understand what to do in most situations. These Qualities or intelligences are produced when the inherent structures of our experience (the faculties of thought, identity, emotions, instinct, etc) are regulated and transformed.
We will never totally eradicate these early issues of emotional intrusions, but we can effectively observe them and produce the kind of understanding that can not only prevent unwarranted reactivity and inappropriate behavior, but find “alternative routes” that are inherently transformed and wise.
William Edwards
Author, Trainer
The Skill of Wisdom
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