We often hear the saying that we have to get “beyond the ego”. Even in our popular expressions, regardless if someone is not doing any specific self-exploration, the phrase implies some deficiency of character (that we are naturally egotistical).
Actually, there is a functional meaning of the ego that is not bombastic, nor any intrinsic impediment towards deeper understanding. This is the ordinary sense of the self-image that orients itself positively or negatively towards some area of living.
This area refers to one of the many social components of our life. There are many of these: home, career, relationship, art, laws, recreation and so forth. We often have to think about our relationship to these social processes, and to do this appropriately, we have to set up, internally, a self-image of ourself. This enables us to “operate” upon this process from our own minds.
We need to operate upon the many areas of our life, using our self-image as a fulcrum, in our own psyche. This is the functional ego. It has two main aspects or is in two major modes: superior and inferior.
The words superior and inferior does not imply that our self worth is high or low; only that our position in relationship to any area of life is working or not. This is not intrinsically good or bad, only functional.
For example: if I have the skills necessary to fix cars, then this is a superior identity. This does not mean that I believe that I am a superior human being, only that the skills that are learned are working. I know that I can do this skill, so when it is asked of me, I can know that I can do this skill and can communicate it to the person who has just asked me.
Now, let’s say I do not have the skills necessary to fix cars. If a person asks me to do this for him, I need to know that I cannot do this, otherwise, I will disappoint him when I attempt it, and I fail. I need to know that there are certain skills that I do not have: whether technical, emotional or intellectual, and this requires an inferior identity. This is not intrinsically bad, just as the superior identity is not intrinsically, good. It just implies that I am able to orient myself to some social area.
It is just as “good” to not know something as it is to know something. One cannot be skillful in everything; other people can handle that skill for you. Having said all this: what is the problem with the ego?
The problem of the ego is not just the simplistic notion of arrogance or always needing the attention in a certain manner. It is the global sense of assigning personal self-worth with either of these two modes mentioned above.
In other words, the superior identity becomes problematic, when one actually believes one is a better person, or who has done something great as a result of functional skillfulness. The worth of the self has been attached to the superior identity, and here is where all the behavioral (and living) problems occur. Similarly, the worth of the person can also be attached to the inferior identity, as if one perceives one’s self as “not good” or flawed in some way; when all that has happened is a lapse of functioning
Many of the problems of ego occur from our childhood development that continue or “transfer” into daily living. It is not just about arrogance or showing off. That is just one-sixth of the problem, actually. They also involve five other major issues. And these issues are not intrinsically bad, they become problematic when the self-worth is tied in to their functioning.
The six major “ego issues” are pleasure, attention (specialness), trust, closeness, power and trait assessment. These are actually functional skills, when used in practical settings. However, since the child’s nervous system has not developed and secondly from the inappropriate skills of the parents (bad modeling), the child will automatically assign emotional signs of self worth to these essentially functional skills.
To illustrate: If I am sitting in the bus with a stranger and all he talks about is himself, I can interrupt to mention something about my own life (especially if it poses as an example to his story line). This is not “ego” but shows appropriate social skills. A conversation should not be just about one person, unless the person is going through something very difficult (and let’s say that this is not the case here).
The “ego” in this example, would involve my psychological and emotional reaction to the fact that he is not trying to “see me” at all. Noticing attention is functional; we are predisposed to notice whether we are expressing our self or listening to another person express her self. However, to react and feel that he is getting all the attention is what can be referred to as “ego” in the pejorative sense.
The same when the other five are in operation. All six core issues are encased in a duality, and therefore, can move over to the other side, as the inverse “ego” issue. For instance, in the same (prominent) issue of Attention, we can fear attention just as much as we hunger after it. Both are “ego” issues, for the self-image is intertwined with the thought, feeling, memory, motivation complex.
Using the same example above, if after the bus patron decides to stop talking about himself for awhile and use appropriate social skills and say: “but enough about me; tell me a little bit about yourself. I have been quiet the whole conversation; then if I have trouble expressing myself at all (or functionally receiving attention), then that is also an “ego” issue.
So, we now have a more complete definition of ego. The functional aspect can express all six early developmental skills (pleasure, attention, closeness, trust, power and trait assessment) without reactivity or emotional and psychological (mental) processing. In other words, I just use power or control to get something functional. However, when the self-worth is tied into this skill, then “ego” in the pejorative sense emerges.
And this is where the inner work must begin. We can never become a complete, mature or transformed person without addressing these issues as they transfer into our daily lives. We can have fun, and be competent in our careers, or even have a spiritual experience once in a while, but if we do not work on these ego issues (all eight), then they will show their ugly heads in our daily lives.
William Edwards
Author, Trainer
The Skill of Wisdom
This entry was posted on Thursday, May 29th, 2008 at 8:47 am and is filed under Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.